Moonlit Sands
by SimplyMatt
Summary: ***THIS STORY IS A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR A SPECIAL GUY IN MY LIFE*** Christmas on the beach seemed like a good idea for Emmett, but while he holds onto his lover, Seth is thinking about the past.


**This story was written for a very special guys birthday. With that now gone I have decided to share it with you all, and hope you like it as much as he did. **

**Big thanks to my beta, Nmydreams.**

**I own nothing other than plot.**

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**Moonlit Sands**

"It's freezing, are you trying to kill me?" I grumble, trying to ignore the laughter breaking from him as he leads my body into his embrace.

"If you'd stop pulling away and get under the blanket you might get warm." His voice is soft, the same as it always has been our past twenty years together. Never once has he raised it in anger my way. No matter how much I've pushed him to the brink of anger, he has always managed to keep a calm tone.

Pulling my legs into my chest I lean into my partners large frame, thankful of the heat emitting from him.

"I'm not so sure about this, Emmett." I offer, fearing my boyfriend has finally lost his damn mind.

The man I have loved since our eyes connected at sixteen on our first day of college has always liked to do things differently, but this is taking the biscuit. Tugging the heavy blanket into my body, I move one of the many hot water bottles closer to my chest while looking out across the beach. I'm thankful he at least thought to bring the wooden love seat, not to mention the large umbrella covering us from the falling snowflakes. Anything to keep winter's cry out.

Yes, my boyfriend has gone mad, crazy even.

"_Seth, baby, It will be romantic, just you and me on the beach on Christmas eve. Think of the snow falling around us."_ I smile at the memory of his words come flooding back.

"_Why do you hate me so much you want to freeze my damn balls off?"_ I teased when he told me his idea in bed a few weeks ago, but I never could say no to his puppy dog eyes.

Part of the reason I have never walked away is because of the power he seems to possess over me, the way he can sing to every emotion. Even after he shattered a heart I thought he would always protect. I guess love makes me stay though, because although the love of my life cheated on me, I can't seem to leave the man beside me.

_It was one time, Seth. One blip in twenty years. Can't you see past that?_ I ponder, hating myself for not having the strength to leave while knowing my life would be unfulfilled without him.

I need to remind myself it was a one time thing, believe him when he says it will never happen again.

Is there anything he can do though to fill in the cracks inside me chest, stop me stealing moments to myself to lose my sobs into a fist full of linen?

"You okay, my love?" Emmett asks, ghosting his cold lips against my cheek.

Butterflies dance inside, willing me to turn into his kiss, but all I do is smile and look out into the crashing of waves sending their bitter air my way.

_It was a year ago, you need to forgive him . . . you love him._ I tell myself, the same mantra I have played over and over in my mind since he begged me to take him back.

How could I not, when my heart has sung his name for so long now. Every line on my face is there because of him, the laughter and joy he created until that day; the moment my world seemed to crumble around me.

"I'm fine, more than fine." I force myself to sound genuine, so I won't see his brow wrinkle with hurt the way it does; and the apologies to fall from him.

I'm tired of hearing his words, want to look forward again, dream about our lives together before the _blip_ - the one stain to tarnish what we had. I believe him when he tells me he's sorry, but I'm sick of him repeating it over and over again. I want to stop looking back.

If I can.

He drapes his arm around my shoulders, brandishing another kiss on my cheek. "You know I'd take it all back if I could, but I have to live with what I did for the rest of my life. I just wish you could forgive me, baby."

Pain is laced within his voice, and for a second I'm certain I hear a sob escaping him. Its like a dagger trying to pierce into me, I've always hated to hear him any less than happy; even now, after all these dark days.

Wanting to put a break in the conversation I look back out across the sea, eyeing the moon as its glow breaks through the storm to cast silver tones on the waves. Taking a long inhale I let it out, creating a small cloud of my breath as warmth meets with the icy temperature.

"I still remember that day, you know." I tell him, wincing when a groan leaves his lips.

He thinks I'm referring to when I walked in to catch him with his best friend, Edward. Pulling at the scab that was their naked bodies polluting our bedroom with their sex, two people I thought I knew playing out the ultimate betrayal. I'm not though, my mind is going further back and its memory is bringing forth a smile I don't need to force.

"Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me, Emmett?"

With his face pressed against my own I can feel the heat of his tears falling down my cheek, but I'm not sad; not when I seem to be going back to our lives together.

Back when we were both starry eyed.

I had just turned sixteen when love entered my life, or should I say when it threw me to the wolves like it sometimes does to people. Twenty years ago everything was different, people weren't as accepting as they are now. Even the thought of holding hands with a boy was taboo, not to mention the thought of kissing one. Relationships were formed in the dark, behind closed doors and away from judgemental eyes.

Like so many kids my age, I hid my sexuality from the world for fear it would turn on me; or that my family would cast me out into the night like I meant nothing to them. So few people admitted to being homosexual that I didn't know who or what I was, let alone understand why my heart skipped a beat when I saw a half naked guy; or why my cock seemed to hunger for them.

In happy denial I walked through my sixteen years assuming I would one day find the _right_ girl like everyone told me I would, I never thought other guys like me desired the love of the same gender.

I was so wrong.

It should have been another day in the lonely paradise of my mind, the place I could be myself and delve into desires without risking hatred from judgemental eyes, but then my eyes met with his. There he was, sitting alone in the library of our college, and I swear it was the first time I had really felt my heart beat.

More like pounding really, thunder raging within me as I looked from afar at the hulk of a man looking out of place in a library. He seemed like he would be more at home on the field playing rugby, yet there he sat reading Chaucer.

With the thumping inside my chest I seemed to find the strength to walk over to this stranger, pretending to find the English Literacy books of interest when all I really wanted to do was become lost in science or history, but that would have meant going to a whole other part of the massive room. I wanted nothing more than to be close to the guy with no name, drink in his scent as I fingered the pages of a book I knew would hold no interest for me. I wanted to be as close to him as I could without having to speak.

I hated speaking to friends and family, so the thought of uttering a word to this guy, regardless of the thoughts running through my mind made me feel sick.

Unlike me though, he didn't favour the solitude of been left alone; he had a confidence so alien to me.

"Hi there." He said, while I was lost within my head already wondering what it would be like to taste his body with my tongue.

If it wasn't for my already russet skin, my cheeks would have given me away; the heat of my blush must have had them pinking. Within study was where I always found my comfort, not talking to people let alone new ones, so I found it hard to find my voice as the once seated man rose to become a mountain towering over me. A mountain of muscle below a tight fitted black top; almost painted upon his flesh.

It took all I had not to reach out and feel the firmness of him, to become trapped within his aqua depths, but I was like a deer caught in the headlights of a speeding car - waiting for something to crash into me.

Instinct told me expect a blow, a fist to the stomach or verbal torture, not pleasant conversation that had my head picking out the curtains I wanted for the house I planned to share with him.

"Emmett." He said, reaching his hand out for mine.

As if I would be able to get control of my functions when his dimples seemed to want to bewitch me, his smile further brightening up his face.

With my pants tightening, I tried to shake away the overwhelming desire and find my voice, but he didn't seem to care. While I gawped like and idiot he inspected every inch of my face with his alluring eyes; chatting away like a giddy child.

"First year too, huh? I'm studying sport science and English Literature." He told me, leaning in and sending a mix of fear and want at the thought he was going to kiss me smack bang in the middle of the not so empty library. Instead he just whispered into my ear. "Don't tell anyone, but I'm a bit of a sucker for a good book."

My breath hitched in my throat, and as the first word left my lips I knew I was already standing before the man I wanted to grow old with.

"S . . . Seth. Seth Clearwater." I told him, waiting for the teasing to start when he heard my surname the way it always had.

Ever since I can remember my Indian heritage has been the butt of so many jokes, my family name the icing on the cake for bullies. It made me tough though, able to fight off attacks which would surely be sent my way. What I lacked in size I made up for in speed, my fast mind able to trick a foe into falling or hitting the wall behind me when attempting bruise my face.

Emmett didn't tease me though, he just smiled while offering me the seat beside him on one of the vacant comfy chairs.

"Nice to meet you, Seth." He told me, grinning all the time and seeming unable to pull his eyes from mine.

So out of character for me, I found myself taking up his invitation; first steps towards unexpected love.

"What's got your mind so occupied, baby?" Emmett asks, his arms enveloping me in his embrace.

Without replying, I turn to look at my ageing lover and smile into his blue eyes. He's used to me drifting away into my head, he won't mind I won't answer him.

"Want to go back inside, I don't want to have you out here if it makes you sad."

Closing my eyes I think of our summer cabin a stone throws away from us, the roaring fire awaiting for us to return if the blistering cold becomes too much. My cheeks may be victim to the lack of heat, but the rest of my self is strangely content. I've found a comfort within his arms I'm not yet ready to break.

_It's been far too long since we sat like this, regardless of what he did I can't help finding my home within his arms._

Feeling him shift below me I know he is about to get up from his seat and it's enough to have my pleading words falling from my lips.

"Please, I want to stay." I tell him, tears pooling in my eyes for unknown reasons.

_I'm such an idiot!_

We never used to be like this, so unsure of the other, not until that one fateful night to start to ruin everything we had made together.

"I'm sorry, Emmett. Please let's stay."

Looking up at him, I can see a hurt child in his eyes, the same one who has begged for my forgiveness for so long now.

"One mistake and I had to do it better than anyone didn't I? I couldn't forget your birthday or something else we could have laughed off, I had to get pissed and fuck that idiot."

The familiar hurt I've carried around bubbles inside me, causing my tears to finally fall.

"Please don't cry, Seth. The cold will freeze them on your face." He begs, using his gloved hand to wipe my face clean. "I just wished you could love me again."

Ignoring his own warning, I watch as his own tears fall and it causes my heart to ache.

"I wouldn't be here now . . . if I didn't love you I mean." I tell him, knowing how stupid so many people have told me I am for staying.

_Once a cheater, always a cheater_. Isn't that what they always say?

Since that day my heart has been covered in cracks, shattered into a million different pieces, but deep inside is still the same love I have felt for him for so long. Like so many, I am a victim to my own emotions. He's the reason I have lived a happy life for so long, the one abrasion is something I can look past; isn't it?

Emmett tightens his hug around me, kissing my forehead while caressing my cheek with his thumb. "What can I do, baby. You know I will do anything for you to forgive me."

If only it was so easy to forgive him, but every day I have thought he is going to leave me, realise how boring I have become with time and run off into the sunset with Edward.

I no longer feel as secure as I once did.

_It's my fault he slept with someone else._

I'm not the young guy I used to be, I don't live life on the edge with him like I used to. Lazy Sunday mornings in bed are about as exciting as my life gets now, so I shouldn't have been surprised to catch him with Edward. It was just so easy to slip into the comfortable, forget to add a little spice into our days.

Love can be such a bitch, covering our eyes with a mask or perfection - hiding the small shadows creeping towards. Then its too late; shit comes to say hello.

Fuck. We even had set days for sex, who the hell has a routine when it comes to desire?

"Just hold me, Emmett. All I want right now is to feel you beside me."

When he pulls me close I'm practically laying upon him, our chests meeting as one under our many layers. I stare at his thick lips, missing the feel of them against my body, how he used to pepper my skin in kisses almost everyday.

_When did he stop loving me?_

Taking my hand from under the blanket, I ghost a finger across his mouth, delight prickling through me when he sucks it i. I don't pull back like maybe I should, instead I become lost in his gaze and wishing I had the power to turn back the hands of time.

When he finally releases me, a disappointed breath leaves me. The smile he offers seems to chase the negativity away, and I rest my palm on his chest; counting the beats of his heart.

"Am I stupid, to not be able to forget _him_?" I ask, my voice just above a whisper.

He looks at me for a long moment, my face less than an inch from his. "I want your forgiveness, more than anything, but I understand it will take time, baby."

Resting my head on his chest, I look out into the falling snow and try to focus on anything other than Edward fucking Cullen. My attention needs to be on the man beside me, the one who can chase away my fears with a single kiss; reawake my body with just one touch.

It's been so long now, too long.

I miss him.

Looking out into the darkening day I remember the first time he said the words I longed to hear - he loved me.

I knew from day one that I felt something for the guy I met in the library, more than lust or desire. How could I say anything though when I'd known him for less than a month. Everything told me that love takes time, that it doesn't happen over night, yet my heart was ready to sing it to him. It took all the strength I had within me not to blurt it out at every given second.

It was something I wanted to say though, a scene which seemed to occupy every dream and waking thought I had. I never knew he was feeling the same, not to mention the fact he would be the first to grace the air around us with those three sweet little words.

"Budge up, its freezing." He told me, sitting beside me on the bed we made in front of the open fire at his parents beachside cabin.

Not wanting to wait until the warmer weather graced the land, Emmett insisted on taking me to the cabin in early December, knowing we wouldn't see one another over the christmas period.

We never officially said we were dating, we just seemed to become a couple without ever asking the other out. Our days were spent stealing kisses between classes, pretending to study with one another at night when all we'd end up doing was exploring the others body without having sex.

As much as I wanted to give myself to him, he never pushed me, never even mentioned it and I was happy with what we had. I wanted to wait until the right moment.

"Well you wanted to come out here in the winter, so its your own fault you're cold." I teased, smiling when he guided me onto his lap.

Kissing my neck, he ran his hands up my chest and drew a whimper from my lips. My jeans tightened as my cock began to twitch, and it took all I had not to take off my pants and beg him to take me.

Like so many times before, he didn't force me, just danced his lips against mine while fingering my nipple. He didn't know then how willingly I would become his slave.

"You okay, baby?" He asked, calling me baby the way he has since our first kiss.

Everytime I hear him say it I can feel butterflies fluttering inside, the urge to lead me onto my back and take my most treasured gift wanting to win out.

"Fine." I gasped, unable to pull a sentence together.

The light from the fire reflected off his skin perfectly, our only source of light in the winter darkness. I wanted him, needed to feel him in a place only a lover could, I was just too terrified to do anything about it.

Emmett smiled at me, his eyes seeming to read my face. He didn't speak, the burning embers the sole sound in the room; other than my heart which was thumping in my head. Taking my hand in his, he took it to his lips and kissed it, never taking his gaze from mine.

"Seth, I want to tell you something, but I don't want you to think I'm saying it just to get you into bed." He said, pulling a nervous laugh from my lips.

He didn't understand how willing I was to lay below him while he had me, how my body ached to be blessed with his touch. I had to listen though, to ignore the lust running through me, chase away thoughts of wearing nothing but our sex.

"Tell me." Was all I could get out, and even those two simple words were lost under the roaring fire.

He didn't move, simply swallowed and I wanted to kiss his neck, to become his. I needed to pay attention, not risk chasing him away with my overwhelming need for him.

It was so hard trying to control my teenage desires.

Emmett ghost his palm over my cheek and I turned into it, thankful of his touch. "I love you, Seth."

The words seemed to echo inside my head, play at the strings of my heart. Speech seemed to fail me, my mouth hung open in disbelief as I looked into his eyes; checking to make sure what he said was true.

Knowing all words would be lost in my throat, I reach out to his face and led his lips to mine, hoping my actions were enough to tell him the words I seemed unable.

It was frustrating to me, I'd wanted to say it for so long and when I finally found my voice again I had to choke out the words. "Love you too . . . so much."

He must have heard me, because his face came to life with his smile and he kissed me again; guided me onto my back and running his fingers through my hair as our tongues came to say their hello's.

All the desires I'd had for Emmett since meeting seemed to leave me as I lay below him, willing, but terrified all at once. I didn't tell him this though, instead I allowed him to lead my body into passion. I smiled when he removed my clothing, groaned when he run his tongue up my cock, but I still couldn't do more than be his play ground.

He didn't play though, he loved me, with every touch, every kiss he sung the words to me over and over and I felt them filling up my heart until it was overflowing with how much he did in fact love me. When I could, I told him the same, but my need of him had me remaining silent until I felt his large cock resting between the cheeks of my arse.

"Please . . . make love to me, Emmett. I'm yours." I whimpered, legs wrapping around his waist when he rummaged through his discarded jeans and took out a condom.

For some reason, the fact he came prepared had my heart beating faster; my smile spreading across my face. I hadn't even thought about packing condoms, and they call me the smart one!

He leans towards me, kissing my lips while running his fingers between the cheeks of my arse. I almost came when he placed a finger inside me, my body yearned to have more though and within seconds I was begging for him.

"Please, Emmett. I need you." I groaned, trying to push myself over his finger.

Without taking himself from me, he looked into my eyes before speaking. "I don't want to hurt you, baby."

His confession made me want him more, and I reached my head up to kiss his lips; lowering myself back down without breaking the contact. He seemed to take this as his green light to go, and I was thankful our kiss seemed to stifle the scream that left me when I felt the first inch.

Emmett didn't hear it and eased his large cock further into me, making sure not to go too fast. I was thankful, regardless of how much I needed to feel him inside me, I was glad he made sure I felt nothing other than absolute pleasure.

"You okay, Seth?" He asked, fully seated within me that I could feel his balls near my arse.

I nodded, trying to keep my body controlled so I didn't cover our chests too soon in my climax. It was all he needed to hear before he showed me what it was like to feel wanted, and above all; loved.

I became the instrument for the most gifted musician.

I'm not sure how long we've sat out in the cold, but the snow has thickened around us so its like were at the heart of a giant snow globe. The blankets and water bottles still have a little warmth so I don't need to move. Instead I lay beside the only man I've ever wanted to love while thinking about how much I've missed feeling him inside me, drinking his lust like a hungry lover.

"What did you say, baby." He asks, my words lost because I'm burying my face into his chest so I can take in the scent of the man I have missed for so long.

_My body feels naked without his linger kisses covering it._

Clearing my throat, I move my head a little, but try all I can not to look back into his hopeful eyes.

"I want us." They are the only three words I manage to get out, before gripping his awful christmas jumper and force myself to speak. "Why do you always insist on wearing this stuff."

I should slap myself, because the words I was thinking seemed to be lost as they left my lips; my old resentment making its escape.

A familiar chuckle falls from him, making me feel like I'm pressed against my own earthquake because he is making my whole body shudder. Try as I might I have never managed to get him to stop wearing these novelty jumpers.

_Its a part of christmas, baby._ He would say, pulling me into his arms and kissing away my disapproval.

Every year is the same and I find myself looking out for them, but this year I didn't notice what he was wearing, for once in so very many years I didn't check him out like a lovesick teenager. Come to think of it, my hand has missed been in his - when was the last time we walked holding each others?

"I'm sorry, baby. I forgot, let me go change."

As he goes to stand I find myself screaming for him to stop, using all the force I have to keep him pinned in place below me.

"No, I'm sorry. Please don't change, don't . . ."

My mouth runs dry and refuses to allow me to utter the final part, the bit where my head is echoing over and over - _don't leave me, don't leave me, don't leave me._

"Seth, what's wrong? You hate these things, I should have remembered."

He never remembers anything though, dates and numbers fall from his head as easily as I put them there. It's another aspect of him I love, but I shouldn't still love him; should I?

_He cheated on me._

The worst kind of betrayal, but for some reason I still find myself with him, my heart unwilling to let him go.

"They're a part of you, the jumpers I mean. This has to be the worst, but it wouldn't be christmas if you wore anything else." I whimper.

A gasp leaves me when I feel his hand under my chin, pulling my eyes to his and taking me away from the bright red Santa saying Ho, Ho, Ho.

"I want you to be happy, baby. Its all I want, for us to go back to how we were."

Lost within his pleading eyes, I try to keep from crying at the way the moonlight glimmers in his depths. The most beautiful site sits below me and all I can do it worry and think ill of him.

All he has tried to do for so long is beg my forgiveness, plead with me to stop crying. Yet not once have I allowed him this moment, happy to reside within my own misery.

"Seth . . . I." His voice trails off with the cooling wind which just passed us, and he takes a moment to gather his thoughts before continuing.

While watching me, he takes his hand to below the blanket to his pocket, rummaging for a second and taking a calming breath.

"All I want is you, Seth. What happened with Edward had nothing to do with how I felt about you, and I will never allow myself any kind of forgiveness. Never."

He reaches out to wipe away tears I wasn't aware had started to fall again, and I don't take notice of what's in his hand until he speaks again.

"I know we agreed we didn't need a piece of paper to show we love each other, but." He pauses again and my heart skips a beat. "I want us to have that piece of paper, the whole day. I want the world to know I love you."

Pulling me into his chest he hands me a small box, tears now pooling in his eyes when he speaks again. "I want to marry you, Seth Clearwater. If you will have me."

His voice is a poor imitation to the normally confident guy, the happy person everyone loves. I don't look at the ring, never once taking my eyes from his and I lead my lips to his and take a kiss like its the first time.

We don't break the connection even when the warmth of the bottles dies out and the blankets fall off our bodies, we remain lip locked as the moonlight blesses the snow covered sand around us.

I'm not ashamed for groaning when finally he breaks our exchange, because I never want to be doing anything other than kissing him. Fuck what happened, I need to let that go and allow him to give me the life we both deserve.

"Seth, baby can I take this as a yes."

I'm laughing now, my heart racing as he puts the silver band over my finger.

I may not be able to say much, but what I do seems powerful in itself.

"Yes."

Call me crazy, stupid even, but this moment is finally chasing away that one day, overpowering everything else. I love him, always have, yet his small question is what I needed to know he loves me too.

"I'll marry you, Emmett McCarthy. If. you'll have me."

He doesn't speak, simply kisses my lips and my heart is no longer the machine keeping me alive, its thumping our love.


End file.
